Stop and enjoy the {moment of} silence

Last night as I was mindlessly scrolling through facebook before falling asleep I saw someone had linked up to a TED talk. I have heard about TED before but didn't really know what it was so I started to watch the video for a few minutes. It was about learning to be vulnerable. I lasted about five minutes before I literally fell asleep with the video playing on my lap. Needless to say, I still don't know what TED is all about and the video was a lot of deep thinking and research. It was semi-interesting, but at 10:30 at night after a full day with the boys I don't think anything could really keep my eye lids open.

This morning I woke up thinking about the video, and what my friend who posted it on Facebook had said about it. She claimed that taking this course on vulnerability had really changed her life and was so meaningful. I never did go back and watch it, but really it got me thinking about how I miss using my brain, if that makes any sense! Day after day with little kids I move from putting out one fire, to cleaning up a mess, to refilling a milk cup, to breaking up a wrestling match over and over again. Never in the day do I feel like I really am using my brain for any sort of deep thinking. What I find even more odd is that I have been home with the boys for a year now and it's taken me this long to realize that, ha! I'm not complaining. I absolutely LOVE being with the boys everyday and wouldn't want to be anywhere else. I do however want to make it a point to think more, read more, do more things for myself. It is pretty easy to get caught up in being "just a Mom" and forget that there is actually more to me. I have heard many people say things to the same effect but it's funny how it can happen so slowly and you don't even realize it.

All this being said, my goal for this year (and really every year) is balance. Finding a way to get time to myself to do things I enjoy while still being with the boys during the day. Andy is awesome and so far I'm off to a great start. I'm already working on reading my second book this year, considering I probably only read a few books last year, this is progress! I take one night a week to myself. Andy holds down the fort and I just get out and do whatever I want. It sounds so simple but without planning it out ahead of time, getting out even one night a week didn't happen that often.

Another aspect of this whole balance thing for me is really being in the moment with the boys each day. Naturally I'm a list person. I have a mental list going of things I need to get done throughout the day to ensure things run as smoothly as possible. The boys thrive on routine so it is pretty easy to get moving with our day and before I know it, we are sitting down for dinner and the day is almost over.  I want to do a better job of taking the focus off of my mental to do list and instead sitting and snuggling with them more. If it means that snack isn't on the table and ready for them right when they are used to having it, then that's okay. Well, they may not think so - but no one will starve :) Drake didn't want to take a nap today. Not going to lie, my first reaction to his nap time revolt was "ugh, I just want 2 hours of peace and quiet", but today was not the day for that, so I went up and got him so he wouldn't wake up the other kids. He and I snuggled on the couch for the rest of nap time and watched Barney. It ended up being one of the best parts of my day!

So the purpose of this blog is to be able to look back and remember these days when my babies were little. This rambling post is a part of that story so I wanted to make sure to include it. I know all too soon they will  be in high school and be out with their friends more than they are home with me. Then I will probably have all the TED talks downloaded and be deep in thought all the time (kidding). I will still be watching mindless TV but I will have time to read and do crafty things most likely whenever I want.  I also know that it is these upcoming years that I will miss them being so little and needing me for everything.  Okay, okay, enough of this I'm starting to tear up and I'm at Starbucks -- can't think about that :)

For now, adorable kid pics to round out this post!

My big boy!

Drake loves to stack and build right now, and he's pretty good at it!

Every day Daddy comes home from work and the boys run to grab their swords to attack him with as soon as he runs in the door. Wrestling matches always ensue.

Early mornings with Drakey Michael

Obsessed with shoes!

Kel snuggles

Doughnut date

stop growing up so fast little man!

Drake Michael is on the move....on TWO feet!

A big milestone arrived at our house this week. My baby can walk! Drake started taking a step or two last week, and then over the last 7 days he just decided to go for it and make it happen. Being stubborn and feisty has served him well in this latest challenge. He has fallen down and bumped his head on the floor (and nearly everything else) more times than I can count this past week, and with hardly any tears. He is so focused on getting back up on two feet and moving forward it seems he doesn't want to take time out to cry and get upset over a fall :)

Have I mentioned he's feisty?! He may not cry or get upset when he falls but if he doesn't get what he wants any other time of the day he is quick to show how he feels about it. I find myself saying "gentle touches" about 25 times a day because his favorite way to show his displeasure is to take a swipe at your face with his nose all wrinkled up.

Upset and on his way to let me know about it!

From this...

and 16 months later, to this...

God is so good, and I'm so proud of you buddy!

Thank goodness for sunglasses

Sunglasses. My best friend lately. They hide all the random tears that fill my eyes when Kellan does something new, something that slaps me in the face and reminds me he is no longer a baby, and really not even a toddler, he's quickly working his way into "big kid" status. I'm happy for him, I'm proud of him....but wow, that came so fast, and that I wasn't quite ready for.

Today was the first day of car line at school. Car line means you drop your tiny baby off at the circle drive and he walks into preschool and down to his classroom all by himself. No Mom leading the way, no adult leading the way for that matter.  I knew this was going to happen today but it had never crossed my mind that I might get all teary eyed over the whole thing. As we waited in line this morning and watched all the other little kids get out I started to get a little misty eyed. He was so excited to get out of the car and go to class. I filled the few minutes we had to wait with my pep talk (which he didn't really need) about what a big responsibility it was to get to walk into school all by himself and a gentle reminder to go straight to his classroom and not anywhere else in the building (for my own peace of mind.) He hopped out of the car, and never looked back. I did manage to grab my phone for one picture and I am so glad I did. He was happily waving good morning to the preschool director who stands by the front door to greet the kids. I know he'll have a great day... and thank goodness for sunglasses.

Blog Slacker

Wow, so it's almost September and my plan and motivation to blog more often so that I can have a record of our days was derailed. A derailment (one of Kellan's favorite words - ya, it's weird) that I should probably be super embarrassed to even admit, but I'm not. For the past few weeks during nap time when I normally would blog or just sit and enjoy the only time my house is peaceful and quiet, I have instead been binge watching 19 Kids and Counting online. For real. We got rid of cable last March and quite a lot has happened with Jim Bob and the kids since then and I had given up hope of ever being able to be caught up. I couldn't justify buying last season online and couldn't find full episodes for free....until one day, google came through for me and lead me right to where I needed to be to get caught up on all the episodes since we've been cable-less. It was awesome! But now, I'm caught up and the new season doesn't start until next week, at which time I'll figure out how I can find those episodes :) Shoot, I may have to just break down and buy this next season because I'm hooked all over again!

Aside from binge watching reality TV we've also been having fun enjoying the last couple weeks of summer before Kellan goes back to school. I don't know who is more excited for school to start?! We got to meet his teacher last night and for the first year he didn't want me right by him as he explored the new room. He marched right in and bellied up to the sand table with some of his friends from last year and really could have cared less where we were. I was happy to see him so relaxed and sure of himself and a bit sad to realize how grown up he looks already.


He is becoming much more independent and taking initiative to do things on his own. Last week I was giving the boys a bath and once they were all washed I got Drake out of the bath (note: he could live in the bath tub, it's his favorite) and per the usual he starts screaming and thrashing around because he wasn't done playing. Kellan watches this same scene play out every night. Drake screaming...Mama wresting him into his towel on the bathroom floor...Mama carries crazy Drake to his room where he continues to scream and flail around until I can get his diaper and pajamas on. It's exhausting and I'm usually sweating when it's all said and done.  Then I normally would get Drake settled with a bottle and go back in to get Kellan out and dried.  But this particular night I walked back by the bathroom door to head downstairs with crazy Drake and I see Kellan out of the bath (he even drained the tub), dried off and brushing his teeth! Ohmygoodnessthankyou!!! I remember I kept telling him how proud I was of him for taking the initiative to get those things done and how helpful that was to me. Whatever I said it made an impression on him because now he insists he do those things on his own, aside from some parental help brushing his teeth to make sure we keep the no cavity streak alive.

 

Along with strides in four year old independence August also brought us:

A few trips to the pool to cool off

The boys first fair experience

practice dressing himself (more practice is clearly needed!)

Four year old shots :(

A fussy boy who is going through a stage of wanting to be constantly attached to my hip

Photo booth fun at the Vale block party. Drake things Papa is nuts :)

Drake's 15 month check up. Poor guy is only in the 17th percentile for height, but 40th for weight!

tearing apart the doctor's office

Playing hide and seek. Kellan and Coop have some work to do on their hiding skills.

Mickey Mouse, my water bottle, and a blanket to snuggle while we all had colds this past week.

Sweating it out at Day of the Dozer. Andy was the only cool Dad who wore the construction helmet provided for the kids :)

That one time we arrived at the grocery store before they opened and stood there like it was Black Friday.

Preschool open house night

August, it's been fun but we are ready for a new routine to start next week!

 

Happy Birthday Kellan Boy

Kellan,

I literally feel like I blinked and you have grown up before my eyes, just like I always heard other parents say you would. I can already tell that four is going to be a big year for you! You're moving out of the toddler years and right on up to being one of the "big kids."

Three was a challenging year as you wanted your independence and I had to figure out how to balance taking into account your opinion, letting you fail sometimes (even when you were SURE that your way was the right way) while also teaching you to respect my authority.

Three was also a big year because you gained the title of "big brother!" You have been so gentle and nurturing to Drake right from the start. One of your favorite things to do with Drake is to have me put both of you in is crib with a blanket over the top so guys can have a "fort" and play together.

This year you have also started asking more complex questions. You are so curious and want to know what every sign we drive by says and have memorized some words (play, exit, stop) and point them out whenever you see them. You also love to break down words into pieces and ask me what each piece means individually. Trying to explain things in terms that make sense to you always keeps me on my toes :) The latest question, "what is a sister city?"

This year you also started showing a lot of interest in the bible and always want us to read you a couple stories before bed. At bedtime you hop up next to Andy and I and say "can you read the Ten Commandments and tell me what God's rules are?" After we read each commandment you always ask us to explain what it means.  This got real interesting the first night when we got to the one about not committing adultery. You of course asked me what adultery meant. Andy and I both gave each other the deer in the head lights look as we figured out what to say....cheating, it means don't cheat. That satisfied your curiosity. :)

Kel, I am so proud of the sweet, caring, and downright hilarious boy you are growing up to be. On a daily basis you have Andy and I laughing at the witty things that come out of your mouth. I can't wait to share in all of the adventures that four will bring your way. I love you boo!

Love,

Mama

Kellan Conversations

Time for another installment of Kellan conversations, the random things that come out of his mouth that have Andy and I laughing out loud.

Kellan: Tonight Mom can we read the "10 Communities" before bed.
Me: 10 communities?! What is that?
Kellan: You know, the story in the bible that tells about God's Rules.
Me: Ohhh, the 10 commandments, yes.
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Leaving a restaurant last week and walking past the hostess stand where a man (with a ponytail) was waiting to be seated....

 Kellan: Mom, why does that guy have a ponytail? Is he a guy girl?!
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This gem was said during his nightly prayer where he thanks God for various things (and lately any and everything that comes to mind)

"Thank you God for ....(insert every toy/book in his room)..and thank you God for milk, that comes out of nipples" And with that, we ended the prayer and chatted about being serious in our prayers!
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Tonight, after he went to bed I hear him turning up the volume on his CD player, which he knows not to do.

Me: Kellan, if you turn the volume up again I will be taking the CD player out of your room for the night.

Kellan: Well Mom, the 10 commandments say that you can't take things that aren't yours, so if you want to obey God you shouldn't take my CD player.

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Day in the life

I know 6 months from now I won't remember what activities filled our days here at home, so for that reason I like to occasionally keep track of an average day so I can remember the craziness busy days!

5:30 AM - My alarm goes off, I hit snooze once and roll out of bed at 5:40. 10 minutes to get dressed, grab a banana and my water bottle and out the door to the gym

5:58 AM - Drive up to the gym and have to park halfway down the street because the 5 AM class is still working. This means the WOD is going to be a long one!

7:00 AM- Back in the car. Feels good to be done with the workout but I can already feel the 130+ kettle bell swings we did in my shoulders/arms. Those will make carrying Drake around even more fun.

7:10 AM - Get back home. Kellan meets me on the stairs since his clock is green. Get a big good morning hug from my boy and then run upstairs to jump in the shower before Andy has to leave for work.

7:20 AM - Dressed and get the boys their breakfast. I usually give Kellan two choices for breakfast and today he picked waffles. As soon as I set the waffle on the table he says "I changed my mind I'll just have cereal." Ha, nice try buddy you're having waffles. While the boys eat I empty the dishwasher and load it back up.

7:45 AM - The boys finish eating and I get them situated in the playroom while I clean up their breakfast dishes and the floor. No sooner do I turn around and Kel is right behind me again.  He is really into washing dishes these days, so even though it's more work when he "helps" I get him set up at the sink to wash a few of the remaining dishes. I want to encourage his eagerness to help with tasks around the house as much as possible so I try to say yes most times.

8:00 AM - Ahh, everything is cleaned up I make some coffee and sit down for a second....literally, I think. No sooner do I sit down and Kellan asks if we can go on a walk around the neighborhood while he wears his police uniform and "check on the farmers soybeans." I switch my coffee into a travel mug for a walk and get Drake buckled into his bike and off we go.  Kellan is very into rolley poleys lately, so he spends all his time with his eyes to the ground looking for them. Bad part is he can't figure out what is bird poop and what is a rolley poley so he makes many many stops along the walk. I finally tell him that if it's not moving it's probably poop and that seems to click for him so we can walk at a slightly faster pace. We check the farmer's soy beans (they look the same as they did yesterday, ha!), and then we walk down to the construction site so we can watch the "digger". We stand a watch for a few minutes and the construction guys wave at Kellan, which he thinks is pretty cool. We turn and head for home and I answer at least 20 questions before we finally make it back to the driveway.

8:45 AM - Drake gets a bottle and goes down for nap

9:00-11:00 AM - Drake naps so Kellan and I use this time to read books, watch a cartoon, and I get dressed.

11:00 AM - Spencer is in town so he comes to visit for a bit before he heads back to New York

11:45 AM - The boys need to burn some energy, and I NEED some energy so we get in the swagger wagon and hit up the Starbucks drive-thru and then head to a park to play. Kellan made me laugh while waiting in the drive-thru he asked me why I never take them both inside Starbucks so we can all sit together and have a snack and a drink.  I try to explain to him that Starbucks is more of a quiet place that people go to do work or talk with friends and Drake is not a quiet person so we just stick with the drive thru!

12:30 PM - We get done playing at the park and head home for lunch. On the menu today for Kellan: Mac n cheese and an apple. Drake is going through a super picky stage so he had greek yogurt, cheese, and peas...most of which did not make it into his mouth.

1:00 PM - nap time! After I get the boys upstairs I get the kitchen cleaned up from lunch and make my own lunch. Today I have laundry I need to do while they sleep, so I finish that up too.

2:30 PM - Kellan wakes up and comes downstairs. We sit on the couch together and watch a cartoon

3:00 PM - Drake wakes up. He gets a bottle and we get out the duplo legos to play with.

3:30 PM - I check in with Andy and he has to work late so we need to pick up Jake from the groomer. We get to the groomer and they can't find Jake?! Hmmm...they finally find him (apparently he was hiding in the corner of a large pen and they couldn't see him??)

4:15 PM - Andy is home! We have a birthday party to go to tonight so I get Drake's food ready to take with us while Andy wrestles on the floor with the boys.

5:30-8:00 - The boys have fun celebrating Lexi's birthday!

8:00 PM - Boys home and in bed, Andy and I crash on the couch after I pack for a weekend trip to visit Carolyn (yay!!)

10:00 PM - I'm exhausted and ready to pass out for the night.

Life with a one year old and three year old means that someone always needs something. Lately it is that they both want me to hold them - at the same time. If one is sitting on my lap and the other sees then they too have to be on my lap. My lap isn't really big enough for both of them to sit without one elbowing the other one so that always makes it interesting. Sometimes, in the middle of the chaos I try to stop and really just appreciate it all because I know in a few years Kellan won't want to sit on my lap and cuddle so I try to soak it up as much now as possible :)