A letter for Drakey

Drake will be two in less than a month. I know it's so cliche, but it really does seem like it went so incredibly fast. These past few months with Drake have been exhausting and awesome all at the same time. Some days the scale tips more towards the exhausting side, but I'm sure many parents would say the same thing.

So Drake, I want to write this little bit directly to you, so that one day when you have a little boy or girl who is as stubborn and strong willed as you are, I can enjoy spoiling them and sending them back home :)

Drakey,

You are a complete and total Mama's boy. When you get hurt you always run to me crying, sometimes it a fake cry, but I baby you just the same and give you a kiss. After the kiss you are usually magically better and ready to run off to tackle your brother or torment the dog once again. When we go to the grocery store, or any store where you are required to sit in a cart you insist on having a snack to eat. I realize it is 100% my fault that you have come to expect this. The thing is, now I literally cannot shop without having something for you to eat. You are a master at contorting yourself to get out of the seat belt on the cart all while screaming bloody murder if I try to shop without feeding you. Nearly every shopping trip involves you yelling or screaming for a portion of it because if I don't gauge my time correctly before you are done with your snack I'm basically screwed. I'm pretty sure you have been responsible for making a few young check out girls decide to wait until they're older to have kids as they watch me try to hold you down in the cart with one hand while swiping my debit card with the other. Some days I just go ahead and count this as my cardio for the day because by the time I make it back to the car, wrestle you into your car seat and load up the groceries I've got a decent sweat going. Then, there is the joy of taking you out to dinner. For the most part we just avoid this as much as possible because right now, it's just not an enjoyable experience for us or any diners in a 15 foot radius of our table. We have actually (on more than one occasion) had people move tables because you don't possess an inside voice. It's a good thing you're cute! :) Just today we went to the library. Not a great place to take a kid who isn't able to speak quietly, but we do go frequently. My hope is that on one of these trips you will notice that you are the only one laying on your back kicking and screaming in the computer area where adults are trying to study. I've perfected the art of carrying you sideways (to avoid being kicked) while also toting a stack of books to check out. When you wake up both in the morning and from nap you always give me a hard time when I try to take you out of your crib to change your diaper. I've tried everything to make this easier for both of us but nothing as of yet has helped you wake up on the right side of the bed.



So on the particularly exhausting days I try to remind myself that your strong willed ways are really a blessing. They are tough to parent, especially at an age when you can't communicate as well as you'd like, but strong willed people can grow up to be wonderful leaders if nurtured correctly, and Buddy I promise you I'm trying my best.  And, if you decide that 2 years old is the year to give your Mama a bit of a break and stop throwing fits, I would be okay with that too :)

I love you buddy! You bring Daddy, Kellan and I so much joy (sorry, Jake doesn't agree - he's just old and grumpy)! I hope you are always as fun loving and full of laughter as you are right now. Happy almost birthday Midder!

Love,
Mama

Kellan Conversations

I don't want to forget these little gems...

Kellan: Mom, where are the stone tablets that the 10 commandments were written on?
Me: What do you mean?
Kellan: I mean, where are they today?
Me: Oh, I have no idea
Kellan: We can just ask Siri and she'll know

Me: Kel, when you go to kindergarten you'll go to Towanda
*instant tears and drama*
Me: What is wrong?!?!
Kellan: I don't want to go where Niyikora lives!!! That is so far away and she doesn't have lots of food!! (Niyikora is the little girl we sponsor through Compassion who lives in Rwanda)
Me: Haha, Towanda is down the street. Rwanda is across the world, you are not going to Rwanda!

Me: Kel, what do you think you will want to do when you grow up? Where do you want to work?
Kellan: I think I'll just not have a job, like you.

Kellan: Mom, who will be president after Obama?
Me: I have no idea
Kellan: Well, why don't you know? We have those president flashcards at home so who comes after Obama??
Me: We have to wait until there is an election (blah blah blah explanation about voting) and I will take you with me next time I vote so you can see how it works.
Kellan: Ok, well when we go vote I hope you aren't voting for Obama!
Me: Why's that?
Kellan: Because he doesn't make very wise choices!!
Me: Who told you that?! Daddy? (because I have never talked politics with my four year old)
Kellan: No, Dee Dee (Andy) told me all about him.

Grace

This afternoon was a rough one on the parenting front. One of those days where you can't figure out the right way to handle a situation to get through to your kid that they need to STOP. Stop talking back and stop being disrespectful. Throughout the afternoon Kellan lost pretty much all of his privileges and that didn't seem to phase him and he continued making the same poor behavior choices. I was at my wit's end. The night ended with him losing his favorite stuffed animal that he sleeps with every night. Drama of course ensued. I removed all toys from his room and his pups. He gave pups a dramatic goodnight and goodbye with a promise to see him tomorrow and instructions not to bite us (ha!). He cried in his bed through our prayers. He cried when I wearily walked out of his room just thankful that he was finally in bed and I could be done parenting for the day. As I walked out Andy walked out from tucking Drake in and picked up Pups in the hallway to head to Kel's room. "Huh?! Are you going to reward him for his awful behavior today?!" No, just wait out here I want to talk to him. So he hides pups behind his back and sits down on Kel's bed to talk. I stood outside the door and listened to him talk to Kel. Tears started to flow because he is so amazing at this parenting thing and the boys are so lucky to have him.

He sat down next to Kellan on his bed and asked him if he knew what grace was (he didn't). Andy went on to explain in four year old terms (keeping it short and sweet) what it was, why it's important, and how God showed us grace when he sent Jesus to die on the cross to save our sins. He explained that grace is forgiving someone when they don't deserve to be forgiven in that moment. As he was explaining he would stop every so often and ask Kel a couple questions to make sure he was really understanding what they were talking about. He ended his chat with him by reminding him how much he loves him and that the consequences he received today for poor choices were because we love him and want him to grow into a respectful young man, not because we want to see him upset. He pulled pups out from behind his back and tucked pups in next to Kellan and said that even though his behavior was poor and did not warrant getting pups back he was going to give him grace tonight and return pups to him. He quickly added that all the other privileges that he has lost for tomorrow would stand and that disrespectful behavior is not okay. Kellan piped up "Dee Dee, giving me pup's back isn't just grace, it's LOTS and LOTS of grace" as he sat up and gave him a big hug and kiss.  Andy said goodnight to Kel, tucked him in and walked out of his room.


I fell even more in love with my husband tonight, and I didn't think that was possible :) The way he parents the boys and knows just the right things to say to connect with them and help them understand things just amazes me. Well done babe, well done! Now, let's go drink some much deserved wine because oh my, today was crazy!!

Stop and enjoy the {moment of} silence

Last night as I was mindlessly scrolling through facebook before falling asleep I saw someone had linked up to a TED talk. I have heard about TED before but didn't really know what it was so I started to watch the video for a few minutes. It was about learning to be vulnerable. I lasted about five minutes before I literally fell asleep with the video playing on my lap. Needless to say, I still don't know what TED is all about and the video was a lot of deep thinking and research. It was semi-interesting, but at 10:30 at night after a full day with the boys I don't think anything could really keep my eye lids open.

This morning I woke up thinking about the video, and what my friend who posted it on Facebook had said about it. She claimed that taking this course on vulnerability had really changed her life and was so meaningful. I never did go back and watch it, but really it got me thinking about how I miss using my brain, if that makes any sense! Day after day with little kids I move from putting out one fire, to cleaning up a mess, to refilling a milk cup, to breaking up a wrestling match over and over again. Never in the day do I feel like I really am using my brain for any sort of deep thinking. What I find even more odd is that I have been home with the boys for a year now and it's taken me this long to realize that, ha! I'm not complaining. I absolutely LOVE being with the boys everyday and wouldn't want to be anywhere else. I do however want to make it a point to think more, read more, do more things for myself. It is pretty easy to get caught up in being "just a Mom" and forget that there is actually more to me. I have heard many people say things to the same effect but it's funny how it can happen so slowly and you don't even realize it.

All this being said, my goal for this year (and really every year) is balance. Finding a way to get time to myself to do things I enjoy while still being with the boys during the day. Andy is awesome and so far I'm off to a great start. I'm already working on reading my second book this year, considering I probably only read a few books last year, this is progress! I take one night a week to myself. Andy holds down the fort and I just get out and do whatever I want. It sounds so simple but without planning it out ahead of time, getting out even one night a week didn't happen that often.

Another aspect of this whole balance thing for me is really being in the moment with the boys each day. Naturally I'm a list person. I have a mental list going of things I need to get done throughout the day to ensure things run as smoothly as possible. The boys thrive on routine so it is pretty easy to get moving with our day and before I know it, we are sitting down for dinner and the day is almost over.  I want to do a better job of taking the focus off of my mental to do list and instead sitting and snuggling with them more. If it means that snack isn't on the table and ready for them right when they are used to having it, then that's okay. Well, they may not think so - but no one will starve :) Drake didn't want to take a nap today. Not going to lie, my first reaction to his nap time revolt was "ugh, I just want 2 hours of peace and quiet", but today was not the day for that, so I went up and got him so he wouldn't wake up the other kids. He and I snuggled on the couch for the rest of nap time and watched Barney. It ended up being one of the best parts of my day!

So the purpose of this blog is to be able to look back and remember these days when my babies were little. This rambling post is a part of that story so I wanted to make sure to include it. I know all too soon they will  be in high school and be out with their friends more than they are home with me. Then I will probably have all the TED talks downloaded and be deep in thought all the time (kidding). I will still be watching mindless TV but I will have time to read and do crafty things most likely whenever I want.  I also know that it is these upcoming years that I will miss them being so little and needing me for everything.  Okay, okay, enough of this I'm starting to tear up and I'm at Starbucks -- can't think about that :)

For now, adorable kid pics to round out this post!

My big boy!

Drake loves to stack and build right now, and he's pretty good at it!

Every day Daddy comes home from work and the boys run to grab their swords to attack him with as soon as he runs in the door. Wrestling matches always ensue.

Early mornings with Drakey Michael

Obsessed with shoes!

Kel snuggles

Doughnut date

stop growing up so fast little man!